Grounded By Global Travel Bans, US Military Stays Sharp By Attacking Own Citizens
“Well they have to practice on someone don’t they?” asked Shirley Naught, of Seattle, Washington, as a team of Navy Seals drove an amphibious assault vehicle through the window of a nearby […]
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At 1:00 AM EDT this morning police forces across the United States paused in their beating of Black Lives Matter protesters to mark the passing of one of America’s great civil right’s […]
Taking Mask Protests To Their Inevitable Conclusion, Millions Of Americans Stop Wearing Pants
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Nation That Wants To Go To Mars Currently Unable To Go To Europe
The United States is said to be furiously reviewing their planned trajectory to Mars to make sure it doesn’t route through Europe, after that continent officially banned Americans from entering any time […]
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Researchers at the University of Unceded Territory say they have made a discovery that could turn a deeply nuanced world on its binary head: an entirely new type of patriotism. One in […]
Mars Officially Bans All Flights From Earth, Says It Will Review Policy In 5,000 Years
In a move that many saw coming, the council of Theoretical Life On Mars today banned all flights from Earth for at least the next five millennia, citing concerns over an outbreak […]
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Editor’s Note: The events in this article are true. The quotes are fictitious. The state of this situation requires this be made clear. In this, sadly, the satire now consists of simply presenting things baldly. […]
Health Officials Announce Lowest Rates Of Homesickness In Recorded History
“Zero,” said Canadian Minister of Health Patty Hajdu, speaking to reporters via video conference from her home. “The total number of people in Canada who are currently homesick is zero. We have, […]
Birds Across Canada Fly In Missing Man Formation, Following The Downing Of A Snowbird
As Canadians attempted to process the horrible news that one of the Snowbird planes had crashed over Kamloops, birds across the nation were seen engaging in an unusual flying formation. One in […]
Solar Power Holds Rock Steady At $000,000,000.00 Per Barrel
Carrying on a trend that started 4.6 billion years ago, and is expected to endure for at least another 20 billion fiscal quarters, the energy blasting towards Earth in an unbroken stream from […]
